Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Hippo gnu deer
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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