moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
