I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Shitshow foam night was such a success
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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