Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
