Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
