There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
