so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
