Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
