saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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