Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
