this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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