Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
