Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
