What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
