My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
