Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
