Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
My cat gives me a boner
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
