it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
