is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
