I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
