yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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