Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
