Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
people are starting to question the shark bite story
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
