I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
