I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
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