don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
