I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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