Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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