Will you blow on my dice?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
