YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
