Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
