if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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