between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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