I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
