i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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