I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
