I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You made out with two different species that night
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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