He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
