it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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