There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
