it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
