I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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