Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
