I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
