Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
