hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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