I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
