there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
