I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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