The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Green mimosas i think yes
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
