This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
tell me about the fingering
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